


Equivalent Exchange

by BleedingCoffee



Series: Trope Bingo: Round 12 [4]
Category: Eureka (TV)
Genre: AU, Community: trope_bingo, Decontamination shower, Innuendo, M/M, Role Swap AU, Stark knows where his towel is, Stark's custom sex toys, Strip Tease, Trope Bingo Round 12, cursing, mechanical gooseshit, nudity in the line of duty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-14 19:57:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19280104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleedingCoffee/pseuds/BleedingCoffee
Summary: “Do I tell you how to do your job?”“No, but that is an amusing idea.”The role swap AU where we do just that.





	1. Conservation of Energy

**Author's Note:**

> For Trope_Bingo: Round 12. Prompt fill for “In Another Man's Shoes”.

 

 

* * *

 

_Equivalent Exchange_

Chapter 1

**Conservation of Energy**

 

“ _The law of conservation of energy states that the total energy of an isolated system is constant; energy can be transformed from one form to another, but can be neither created nor destroyed.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“If you two don't start opening up and talking to me, I will have to resort to other options.” Beverly crossed her arms and glared at the two individuals sitting on her couch. Nathan Stark sat at one end, and rolled his eyes. Jack Carter sat on the other end and laughed.

 

“Or what, _you'll spank us_?” Jack snorted.

 

“What kind of services do _you_ come here for, Sheriff?” Stark asked curiously in his unique drawl.

 

They both glared at each other and Beverly snapped, “Boys!”

 

“I think we're done here.” Stark said and stood up and Jack jumped to his feet as well.

 

“Something we can agree on.” Jack said and held his hand up for Stark to high-five and only got a eye roll instead. Asshole.

 

“If either of you plan to return to work, then you better sit down and start talking to me.” Beverly said coldly. “Or you put on the ATS and submerse yourself in a simulation to help you virtually work through your issues.”

 

“Unless it's one of those video games where I get to kick the shit out of him.” Jack said. “I'm not playing.”

 

“Oh look, we agree again.” Nathan said and smiled.. “Combat simulator sounds _fantastic._ ”

 

“Considering you are both here for counseling because your arguing lead to part of Global being vaporized, causing millions of dollars of damage, I think you've proven that fighting is something you're too eager to participate in.” Beverly said and stood to get her virtual therapy devices. “Until I sign off on your paperwork, both of your are locked out of Global and are at risk for redaction. So, shall we start our session over?”

 

“I am the director, I can't be shut out.” Nathan growled.

 

“I can't complain, I mean without access to Global that cuts out almost 99 percent of my problems.”

 

“Oh, Sheriff, you're suspended as well.” Beverly turned just in time to see Stark's smug smile. “Put these on.”

 

“Nope.” Stark said. “Not granting some computer access to my brain again, made that mistake once.”

 

“I don't know, do I get to kiss Allison again because...”

 

“BOYS!” Beverly screamed as soon as Stark turned to threaten Carter with his fist. “Either put these on or start writing your resumes because I am not sitting here and listening to this anymore.”

 

Jack looked at the headset he was given and he had to agree with Stark again, this just didn't seem like a great idea. Not much choice so he offered a compromise. “I'll do it if I can do it at home.”

 

“You would categorize brain activity as something you need to do behind closed doors.”  Nathan smiled.  "Letting the wrong body part decide your actions..."

 

"Kissing Allison worked."  Jack said. 

 

“You need to be monitored.” Beverly said, she had enough of these two.   It was cute until it because a waste of her time and an insult o her profession.  Having them leave and do this elsewhere was a great idea.  “You also have to remain close to Dr. Stark so the devices can communicate.”

 

“S.A.R.A.H. can monitor us.” Jack said, eager to get the hell out of here. Therapists were not his favorite people.

 

“I agree.” Nathan said seeing what Carter was going for and took his headset. “I need to get back to work. So if we have to play some games to make that happen, sure.”

 

“It's a simulation of Eureka.” Beverly explained. “I have it programmed so that you will be taking each other's jobs in order to understand the other person's position.”

 

“Carter...as head of GD?” Stark laughed. “Actually I'm suddenly really interested in this fantasy world of yours, Beverly. Tell me, does his IQ get inflated in the stats or does he have to wing it like he usually does?”

 

“Stark is going _to be Sheriff_?” Jack asked and then an evil grin crossed his face. “A Sheriff who has to respond to all kinds of calls because someone won't rein in his damned scientists and their doomsday devices? Well, that actually sounds like a fun game.”

 

“You switch roles, including personal ones.” Beverly continued to explain. “This isn't just about your jobs, it's about the stresses of your lives and the people you interact with. So, Dr. Stark, you are now a father to Zoe , ex-husband to Abby Carter, and a partner with Deputy Lupo. Sheriff Carter, you will be a father to Kevin and will have to manage your history with Dr. Blake as well as her role as DoD Liaison.”

 

“Oh, really?” Jack said. “What fun!”

 

“I'm not wearing the polyester uniform.” Stark said with a grin. “It irritates me.  Do you need a Doctor's note? I can call my ex-wife...”

 

“You can both leave now.” Beverly said, no more instruction was necessary other than the ultimatum. “If I don't see this turned on in an hour, I will be calling the DoD and telling them you refuse to comply with their requests.”

 

* * *

 

 

“S.A.R.A.H. Door!”

 

“Welcome home Sheriff!” the A.I paused. “And welcome _Doctor Stark_.”

 

“Hello S.A.R.A.H.” Nathan said, she sounded happy to see him. Not surprising, she was Fargo's brain child.

 

“So we have to play virtual Eureka on these headset things Beverly gave us.” Jack waved his device at the ceiling and went over to the couch.

 

“Dr. Barlow sent me an email.” S.A.R.A.H. informed him.

 

“You have email?” Jack asked.

 

“Let's get this thing over with Carter.” Nathan went to the couch and sat down. “I don't have all day to play games. Someone blew up a section of my building and I have to be there when the architect comes to draw up plans to rebuild.”

 

“Maybe _I_ get to do that.”

 

“Maybe _I_ get to shoot you.”

 

Jack looked at the ATS and said, “Well, here goes nothing.”

 

“That's a pretty accurate assessment of what the experience is going to be.” Nathan chirped and sat back and put his headset on. He turned it on and saw the welcome screen and the description of the task and purpose of this session.

 

Jack reluctantly turned his on and sat back to see how fast he could get this over with. “Let the games begin.”

 

 


	2. Entropy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I was sorry for this, but I'm not. At all. Enjoy! :)
> 
> I did add another tag since apparently "Stark's sex toys" are now a canon thing in my fanon 'verse.

 

 

 

_Equivalent Exchange_

Chapter 2

**Entropy**

 

 

“ _The second law of thermodynamics states that the entropy of any isolated system always increases.“_

* * *

 

 

 

Jack heard his alarm go off and sat up. Usually S.A.R.A.H. would turn on the lights and the alarm off but it wasn't happening. “S.A.R.A.H.!”

 

No answer. Then he realized the alarm was coming from the end table on his left hand side. He didn't sleep on that side of the bed?  Thus the alarm clock didn't reside over there?  He flailed around to smash it and then found the lamp. He squinted and looked around.

 

This wasn't his room.

 

Oh...that's right. This was _Stark's bedroom._

 

“Good God does the man just walk out of a magazine every morning?”

 

Nobody answered as Jack pulled the silk sheets off himself and stood up. He looked around at all the expensive furniture that probably cost a month's salary or more. More. Definitely more. It looked all hard carved from trees from the garden of Eden, possibly in an arts and crafts class taught by God himself.

 

He sat up after not being able to resist running his hand across a piece of furniture that looked so soft he couldn't resist touching it. He had always eyed those expensive shotguns at he gun store with the maple burl stocks, the heirloom ones with the hand rubbed finish, but they were too luxurious for someone like him. It didn't mean he couldn't appreciate the craftsmanship, he just wasn't going to splurge on the luxury when something surplus and a fraction of the cost would suffice.   He never touched those guns, but now that elegant wood was within an arms reach as his nightstand he indulged.  It was evident that someone spent countless hours applying the oil to bring out all the extraordinary figure in the wood and it showed in the end result. He shouldn't feel like some end table in Stark's bedroom was the product of a labor of love, but here he was, stroking a nightstand.

 

“Ugh, this is going to really give Beverly something to talk about.” Jack moaned as he remembered this was a therapy device simulation. The first thing he did after waking up was to admire and stroke Stark's wood, that was definitely going to come up in conversation.

 

He stood up after telling himself he was going to brush it all off as appreciating the detail in the simulation. That sounded plausible and like a compliment! To avoid thinking about the comfort level of Stark's bedroom, he tried to not dwell on the details. He walked across the carpet that felt like it was padded with clouds and went to the bathroom located in the master bedroom. He turned on the light and squeaked, “Holy shit. This is a bathroom!?”

 

Each step consisted of one amazing discovery after another and he wondered if this was what bachelor scientist GQ centerfold life was like. Really like. Or did Beverly just grabb all this from some of the internet's expensive furniture sites? He wandered downstairs and went to the kitchen, ignoring the feel of heated titles under his feet and went straight for the counter. He got to the coffee pot and realized it was one of those fancy ones that uses the annoying cups for the coffee making and is a pain in the ass to operate.

 

“Of course you have this, Stark.” Jack hissed as he punctured the third single serve cup and failed to get the machine to do anything. He threw them all in the sink and looked at the clock. Why was Nathan up so early?! Did he need _hours_ to prep his perfect hair and tone his spectacular abs? Was this guy even a real human being!?

 

It was _Stark_ , that was always a question he asked himself in regards to him. They wouldn't be in this situation if Stark acted like a human being and didn't throw caution to the wind and let his people 'push the boundaries of science' while pushing aside safety protocols and common sense aside.

 

Today, however, that was _his_ job. Jack Carter was director of Global Dynamics and he was going to fix that. Enough with the bullshit excuses and condescending lectures, he was going to show Stark that there was a way to get results without putting the facility, town and world in jeopardy _every damned time_.

 

In order to do that, he needed to get dressed and go to work. So Jack went back to the bedroom to see what his closet looked like. He hoped this simulation gave him the choice to equip his own clothing instead of have the full Nathan Stark experience, complete with stupidly expensive suit.

 

He winced at his own thoughts. This was all very hostile and resentful. He really hoped his thoughts weren't being recorded by that damned headset.

 

* * *

 

 

Nathan woke up before his alarm and sat up in bed. The mattress was exceptionally comfortable, even if the bed was too short. He didn't have to turn on a lamp since the lights came on automatically and displayed for him the drab and unimpressive interior of Jack Carter's bedroom. Did the man ever really move in? It was so generic.

 

It was no wonder he never got anywhere with Ally.

 

The furniture was dorm room furniture, sheets the quality of a mid grade hotel and _oh God_ the carpet. _The carpet_ was like walking on fiberglass insulation and he was going to ask Fargo why he was such a cheap ass when it came to decorating.

 

Not that he cared about Carter getting glass fibers embedded in his feet, but this was his house now.

 

 _For_ now.

 

So he got up and went downstairs to find a place he could work out without being sliced apart by 99 cent a square yard economy plush. He asked, “S.A.R.A.H. what time is my alarm set for?”

 

“6:30”

 

“Change that to 5 am please.” Nathan said and discovered the kitchen was the only place with a floor he could utilize. He used the bathroom and came back out to start his morning routine. He wasn't getting wrapped up in the details of Carter's house, since there weren't any details worth noting. S.A.R.A.H. deserved better.

 

“Do you want breakfast now, Sheriff?”

 

“No thank you.” That was weird but he would have to get used to it. _Sheriff_. It's usually how he addressed Carter and to refer to himself with the same title kinda left a bad taste in his mouth. He'd probably cringe when he heard Carter addressed as “Doctor” and he was curious what the hell he could get a doctorate in. Baseball statistics?  He snorted in amusement and sat on the floor and started his morning exercise routine.   He lost himself in reps and counting so when a sleepy teenager came downstairs he didn't hear her until S.A.R.A.H. greeted her. Then she screamed.

 

“Oh my God Dad! _What the hell_!?” Zoe screamed and threw a dish towel at him. “I do _not_ need to see you in your underwear.”

 

Nathan looked down at his boxer briefs and realized this was probably not the best attire for a family man. He closed his eyes, he forgot that he was taking over this part of Carter's life too. “Sorry.”

 

“Just go put on pants, _please_!” Zoe said and added. “A shirt too!”

 

Nathan got up and felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment, despite himself. First time he actually was ashamed of his body in a long time. “Sorry!”

 

“I'm glad you're taking better care of yourself, even if it's to get Allison or Jack's attention, but can you not traumatize me in the process?"  
  


He was already jogging up the stairs when she said “or Jack” and he paused. “Wait.... _what_? Carter?”

 

“Come on, Dad, everyone knows.” Zoe said and went to the bathroom. “Your flirting is the number one attraction at Cafe Diem. I'm going to go wash my eyes out.”

 

Then the bathroom door closed and Nathan shouted back. “I don't flirt with Carter!”

 

“Yeah Dad, _you do_. You drool over Allison and you're so much worse when Carter shows up. Put on some pants, please, I don't want to see a reaction when I walk out of here because I brought _them_ up.”

 

Nathan stood on the stairs and wondered if this part of the simulation was coming from actual footage from the bunker or if Beverly was trying to screw with him. Zoe was going to her for therapy, was this something they talked about!? He bent down to look around at the security cameras and tried to recall how much real life Eureka was used for the program. No, Sim!Zoe was just being a dramatic teenager. He and Carter were _not_ flirting. Zoe clearly didn't know the difference because her parents were always fighting and she must have some deep seated misconception of healthy relationships because of it.

 

He still had to put his hand over his underwear because talking about it did get the reaction Zoe was dreading and he told himself it was because of Ally.  He marched up stairs and looked in his closet and groaned. There were polyester uniforms hanging in his closet. Poly-fucking-ester uniform service clothes he was going to have to wear all damned day.  Lovely.  Just great.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jack knew he was late to work since Allison had already called and told him so. Well, she said she was concerned and ready to send GD security over to make sure he wasn't dead or kidnapped, so he took that as meaning he was late. He made some excuse about having to taking some early morning conference call for some kind of concern he had about 'a device' when in reality he couldn't find his car keys.

 

Because someone kept his stupid BMW keys in his bedroom.

 

Who did that!?

 

Also what was with these....XL condoms, lube and toys in the bottom drawer of the night stand?

 

 _For fuck's sake Stark_.

 

No...that was _his_ bedroom and that meant he was using them. No....he was not a Magnum condom user and that meant...

 

_Goddammit Stark!_

 

Thankfully his closet had clothes that fit him. It did little to make him comfortable in this fantasy world immediately after making him immensely uncomfortable with his nightstand discoveries. Especially since one of those toys had a power switch he didn't know how to turn off and a battery that had a life of a radioactive element....so he threw it out his bedroom window and into his spacious back yard only to watch Lo-Jack picked it up and run off with it.

 

Not the best start to his morning, but at least he wasn't going to be the one called out to investigate a loose dog carrying around some vibrating dildo around the suburbs of Eureka. That, he had to admit, was kinda awesome.

 

Since he was already late he skipped his stop at the Sheriff's office to mock Stark and didn't get his Vinspresso from Cafe Diem. It was straight to GD where he parked, and grabbed his tablet and opened the door to see Fargo running at him. “Oh God, already?”

 

“Dr. Carter, is there a reason you don't want your reserved parking spot? Is it inconvenient? Too convenient?”

 

That's right, this was where he parked his Jeep not where Nathan parked his car. Was Fargo waiting on him for a reason or did Nathan expect his assistant to meet him at the door to GD like he was some kind of King?  Yeah, Stark made him greet him at the door.  Asshole.   He threw the keys at Fargo and said, “I wanted to walk. Park if for me, would you?”

 

“You're letting me _in_ your car?” Fargo gasped, holding the keys like they were the holy grail.

 

Jack looked at him, afraid to ask where he was normally forced to sit when he traveled with Stark. Trunk probably. “Yeah, just don't hit Lo Jack he's been running around with a squeaky toy all morning.”

 

“Taggart is on it already, sir.”

 

“Better not be.” Jack mumbled and briskly walked away and tried not to run to the door, afraid to find out how bad his score would be if he was late to his job that had no regular hours and a SWAT team was dispatched to find him.

 

Still, the mere thought of Stark running around with Taggart trying to fetch his own giant dildo....priceless.  Maybe this simulation wasn't so bad after all.

 

* * *

 

 

Nathan dropped Zoe off at school and ended up taking the opportunity  to get into a discussion with one of her teachers. The kid actually kicked him in the leg, _cow kicked him square in the shin_ , to stop him from talking to said teacher. The glare he got from the girl was absolutely deadly and he finally got the hint that he was embarrassing her when she sent him a text saying, 'You're embarrassing me, leave.'

 

He was a Nobel Prize laureate, not Sheriff 111. He could talk to her teacher and ask important things if he wanted to.

 

Except he couldn't.

 

There was something in the device that was not allowing him to speak intelligently and only allowed him to open his mouth _as if_ to speak. That was fantastic, now he had to not only do the Sheriff's job but do it as the Sheriff's level of intelligence too while wearing this generic uniform and gun belt he couldn't get to sit right on his hips  . _Fucking fantastic._ He went back to the Jeep and sat down, wondering how he was going to handle this mental handicap that had been placed on him. He didn't see how being stupid was going to make him appreciate Carter any more, it would just make him more inclined to put him out of his misery.  Especially since these damned pants were chafing him in all the wrong places.

 

Then the radio chirped, _“Stark. Come in. Over.”_

 

“Stark.” He answered. Jo was calling. He was either late to work or this was part of their buddy cop routine. Why were they using the radio? Why was Carter so hung up on obsolete technology?  This was Eureka, why the hell was this even in the car!?

 

“ _Over.”_

 

“Are you telling me this simulation is already over? Did Carter fuck up this fast?” Nathan asked, right before accidentally pushing the siren button to see what it did. He shut it off immediately, but not before getting the attention of half of the high school and most definitely embarrassing his kid. Oops.

 

“ _No, Stark, end your communication with 'Over' to signify you're done speaking. Over.”_

 

She sounded exhausted, and he couldn't blame her, it was exhausting explaining things to an idiot. “Right. What's the problem, Deputy? _Over._ ”

 

“ _Several complaints have come in this morning about Lo-Jack running across people's lawns and playing with a dildo. Over.”_

 

Nathan heard the humor in her voice before the radio clicked off. “I'm sorry, _what_?”

 

“ _Over.”_

 

“Over where?”

 

“ _Say over when you are done. Over.”_

 

“I'm done with this job and this therapy. There is no way that this is a genuine call to the Sheriff's Department.”

 

“ _It is.  We even have a form for it.   Several already filled out thanks to numerous reports in regards to the size, color and decibels of volume of the vibration of the dildo in question. Gotta love scientists, they love to record data. Taggart has already been dispatched. Please assist, Sheriff, it's animal endangerment. It's a huge dick, he might choke. Over.”_

 

“Fine. Where?” Nathan asked and started the Jeep. “Over.”

 

“ _Pythagoras Place. Over.”_

 

Nathan groaned and slammed his head against the steering wheel. _That_ was where he lived, that was _his_ dildo. _Goddammit Carter, that's a sex toy not a dog toy. Can't you tell the difference?_

 

“You still there, Stark? Over.”

 

“ _Yeah, I'll take care of it. Over.”_

 


	3. Constant

_Equivalent Exchange_

Chapter 3

**Constant**

 

“ _The third law of thermodynamics states that the entropy of a system approaches a constant value as the temperature approaches absolute zero.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Nathan's mind was actually _really_ awesome and now Jack could see why he was such a cocksure asshole. The therapy device was feeding him information, allowing him to feel what it was like to just spit answers and calculations at people without even having to think hard. Without having to think _at all!_ He genuinely had a world of knowledge right in front of his eyes and it was easy! Being smart was awesome!

 

Except when it came to Allison.

 

He still couldn't figure her out as she was flirty one second and implying they should hook up later and then pissed at him ten minutes later for shooting down some project the DoD wanted made a priority.  He did think about that project, not for long, but he did consider it. His device told him that it was worthless and that it had no real benefit as a 'favor' since only one person at the Department of Defense really wanted it a reality. He had the data and he used it, but Ally didn't want to hear it.

 

Fine. Ok. He ran the place and it was his decision. Telling her that was definitely not OK. He really read her wrong  _again!_ He always felt like she was so proud of Nathan for being the genius in charge. She seemed to brag on the guy a lot when it was Sheriff _Carter_ standing there asking why Director _Stark_ made such dumb decisions about military projects that nobody needed. This was a totally different perspective, one he didn't consider, the perspective where Stark was working with his ex-wife. Jack was all too familiar with how that familiarity lead to some short fuses as Abby did some consulting once on a case and it was _all_ bad.

 

This was Allison though and he felt like maybe he just communicated wrong and decided that he should correct that. Allison wasn't Abby, even if he was supposed to be her ex-husband in this scenario.   He didn't need to get annoyed at this, he just had to remember that this was a simulation and was probably trying to push his buttons so he could see some common ground with him and Stark. No, thank you, he'd try to dig himself out of this hole. “So, this project....is this a favor for General Hakuro or you?”

 

“Having the General owe GD a favor would be worth a simple project, wouldn't it?”

 

The therapy device kept blinking alerts in front of his eyes, red text telling him that he had other work to do and it was all backing up. Literally, all the words were piling together and clouding his vision like it was Tetris. It was still giving him information about the project he was talking about, layering over everything else he was neglecting, so he had to really focus on the words in _white_ text and not be distracted by the ones falling in the background in _red_ text . This device was pushy. “ I don't see why I should cater to him when he's the junior officer on the staff and has no real influence.”

 

That even sounded smart! It, however, was not a smart move though because he saw a flicker of annoyance before she came over and sat on his desk. Mixed signals galore. At least it wasn't just him that couldn't get a read on her, Stark was apparently dealing with this too. _Come on Allison, you don't play Stark like this do you?_ Or _do you?_

 

“ _I_ asked for a favor.”

 

“You _did_ phrase it that way, but also didn't follow through with the reason why this project about....uh,” He looked down at his tablet again to make sure he was looking at the right thing.  “Dolphins, is so important that a high ranking General wants us to make it priority. Maybe he should send his request to SeaWorld instead of Global Dynamics?”

 

“There have been promising studies about using dolphins for surveillance.”

 

He watched her uncross and recross her legs and realized she was using her charm on him. That meant that her charm _worked_ on him! Oh Stark, you're just a normal guy after all! “Want to talk about it over dinner?”

 

“Jack, this needs green-lit immediately.”

 

“Why? Are they going extinct?”

 

That was another bad reply and she gave him a glare, a huff and slid off his desk. Did she and Stark really play tug-o-war this much at work, because he never saw any of this! Unless, of course, they were loopy from snorting pollen, but that was _one_ incident and they seemed like they bonded over that. As Allison  talked about dolphins and the connections the General had at the Pentagon, she was almost completely blocked out of view by all the words piling up on his screen that was right over his eyes. The words were blinking now, as if they were going to explode if he didn't start clearing them away. It was like one of those video games with bombs that would go off if you didn't get them destroyed in time. It was making him anxious and he wanted to get to work immediately to relieve the stress of this annoying visual. He had a lot of stuff to do but he didn't want to lose this chance to connect with Allison, so he offered a compromise, “How about coffee? Can we have coffee? Maybe while we walk to Section 3 so I can talk to Dr. Jerkins about his assessment today?”

 

The answer was no. He could see it in her eyes as she said, “Why don't we talk about it now?”

 

“The answer is no.” He said, echoing his thoughts a few seconds earlier maybe a little too abruptly.  Damn the red blinking Tetris words!   “The whole dolphin thing is fishy and I don't mean that in some 'haha pun' way. This proposal just screams that he wants to hide this weird idea of his out here in Eureka where nobody will make him answer for it. And he's an Army General! Wouldn't this be a Navy project?  I want no part of it.” 

 

“You've made questionable deals in the past for favors in high places.”

 

“Ok, I don't want the details on _that_.” Jack said, but he sure got details anyway. He wanted to shut his eyes but that was not how this device worked. Information flooded across the screen.  Weird ass projects now made a whole lot more sense. He was surprised nobody put in a request for a goddamned unicorn yet. What was the deal with military dudes and their weird fantasies? No...NO he didn't want to see the reports from the psychology and profiling portion of Stark's brain that told him all about high ranking military officials and their kinks and personality disorders. Too late! And there were pictures! Oh God!

 

“I have to give the DoD something to keep them content about my position here, especially now that you're Director again. You know how scared they are of you. Showing them that I may have bit of control of you, thanks to our personal relationship, will come in handy. Why not take advantage of this harmless project to do that?”

 

OK, he understood this part of the job and he couldn't fault either one of them for playing politics like this. As a Marshall , he hated bargaining with criminals so they could get information, but that had been his job for years. Witness Protection was a lot of protecting bad people, giving them new lives, even though they were absolute devils.  It wasn't fair, but it was the job. Unfortunately politics were a huge part of _this_ job and Eureka was at the mercy of the DoD for it's funding. Deals surely had to be made to keep the doors open, he had seen some of those projects go wrong and knew things could be worse. But dolphins? His cop senses were telling him that there was nothing about this that said the General wanted stealthy sea life protecting the shores of America. “Maybe I would consider it if Hakuro mattered more, but he doesn't . So if you don't mind, I have some other Generals to appease by checking up on projects they are expecting to see in action come tomorrow.”

 

“Of course.” Came the curt reply.

 

“Look, if you want to talk about it some more, schedule something with Fargo and we can talk about it.” He said and stood up as the red letters on the device started pulsating and looking like an alarm. It was starting to give him a headache. Things were urgent, he got it. He should have figured this wouldn't be some fun day flirting with Ally in some simulator to see what worked and what didn't. “Gotta go.”

 

“Right.” Allison said as he walked past her, tone saying she had heard that before and wouldn't hold her breath.

 

“I'm sure you already looked at my schedule and knew that. I'm not the bad guy here. You could have brought this up when you knew I had time for it but you wanted to catch me in a rush so I would give my approval without looking at it.” He knew that tone and reacted to it. He and Abby had gone round and round over this exact same stuff. Yes he had schedules because it was his job and right now things were backing up and he was going to clear them off his plate while they both cleared their heads. Then he left and made his way to the elevator to start his day.

 

_Shit._

 

He wanted to go back and say something. He wanted to say, that this wasn't him. The device was doing it's job and making him short and edgy and rushed. It was bringing up therapy things that he was sure Beverly had programmed it to address, things that they had talked about on his first night in Eureka. She was pushing his buttons. Making him angry, tapping into his history to put him in a bad frame of mind.

 

He wanted to go back to Allison and say he wasn't _her_ director of GD who worked too much or left Eureka for a job...however he _was_ the US Marshall who left L.A. all the time for jobs and worked so much that he missed birthdays, plays and his kid's whole childhood. He couldn't say anything because he suddenly saw that Nathan was dealing with the same thing he was, trying to make up for lost time and having that time stolen away by a job that was really damned important.

 

Oh God, he just admitted to himself he had something in common with Stark.

 

He stepped in the elevator and shook his head. The red lettered items in his vision were no longer blinking and he assumed it was because he was on track to work on them. It was, however, already giving him a headache and he groaned when Fargo darted on the elevator before the doors closed.

 

Fargo burst in and said, “Dr. Carter! We have a small problem.”

 

Jack grinned. This was part of the job he knew he could handle! Finally, someone was pushing buttons that should be. Then the red letters started blinking again and that grin faded.

 

* * *

 

 

“Taggart, you son of a...” Nathan said, right before the tranquilizers kicked in and he face planted into his own lawn. His head rolled as his body's weight came down on his head and neck, giving him a view of the show as well as a reason to see his chiropractor.

 

Mechanical geese honked and waddled around, splashing through puddles made by the sprinkler system gone haywire because of said geese being on his lawn. Geese that followed Taggart here. Geese now being chased by Lo-Jack, who brought Taggart here. Taggart currently waving a vibrating sex toy at all of them, which was the reason that Carter brought them all here.

 

This was utter bullshit. Or more accurately, gooseshit.

 

Then geese honked louder and ran faster, spraying actual goose shit all over him and his wet uniform. He was unable to move, thanks to Taggart's shitty aim with his dart gun, but definitely still coherent because that dosage was meant for the dog and not him. Yet here he was, face down in wet grass and liquefied goose shit in a flooded yard, with his ass sticking up in the air because the tranquilizer worked from the neck down since that was where he was shot.

 

To make matters worse, the dildo flew out of Taggart's hand because the sprinklers made it wet and slippery and the battery ensured it would never stop vibrating without someone turning it off. It flew across the lawn, bounced off his ass and Lo-Jack caught it midair. The dog then took off with it and Taggart came over and squatted in the grass beside him with that far-off gaze that signified he was about to share some sage Aussie wisdom. Nathan didn't have control of his vocal cords to tell him to shut up, so he watched as the geese all circled around the man like he was their God.

 

“Dolphins.”

 

The geese honked and chuckled, excited to hear the story. Nathan groaned because he knew Taggart was ramping up to tell a story and he just wanted to go home and shower.

 

“They look cute and friendly, but they're horny little bastards. Can't keep a thought in their head when they see a female of the species, _any species_. Smart, but impossible to work with unless you take their sexual needs into consideration and they always need to be jerked off.”

 

_What?!?_

 

“I'm beginning to see a lot of similarities between dolphins and the director of GD.” Taggart nodded, his voice taking on a tone of enlightenment. “He might need his penis, instead of his hand, slapped. Make him focus on his work.”

 

Nathan winced as Taggart slapped his ass as he stood up and despite having one of the highest IQs in the world, he couldn't make sense of that statement at all. _What the fuck!?_

 

“You're not helping matters, Sheriff. You cloud his vision with lust and this was a sign. A beacon if you will, like the bat signal turned on when there is an emergency; except it's a man, turned on and without means to satisfy his needs without luring the object of his affection into his den.” Taggart nodded thoughtfully.

 

Lo-Jack zipped by again, vibrating toy just wiggling around in his mouth and the sound of the vibrator within it loud as a jackhammer to his ears. Nathan wished he could cry right now as he saw notifications on his therapy device screen telling him neighbors were taking pictures and video and sharing them across Eureka's intranet.   He saw the map as it spread across the town like an infection.

 

“You've mixed signals and now he is sending a new message loud and clear.” Taggart then added in a hushed whisper as he leaned over Stark's ear. “Can you hear it?”

 

And with that, he was gone, but not before Lo-Jack made one more pass. Buzzing him like a bi-plane over a cornfield except with a vibrator that should have never left his damned bedroom.   Geese waddling away with Taggart as he went back to his biological containment vehicle and prepared to leave him here. His brain hurt, his neck hurt and now his ass stung. He winced as he heard a buzzing noise of some kind and figured he might as well get stung since Taggart. Add that all on to the shitty shitty day he was already having.

 

Nope! It could get worse! Taggart returned with a harness of and started buckling him into it!

 

“Well, let's get you loaded up and back to your own cage, shall we? Can't miss the opportunity to see Jo smile, for that I thank you Sheriff.” Taggart said as he buckled Stark into the harness and then clipped on the hook from the winch bolted to the bed of his utility vehicle. He strolled back over to his car, flipped the switch and immediately the cable began retracting and pulling it's quarry into the cage on the back of his vehicle.

 

Stark was jerked off his knees and backwards, landing in another puddle before being dragged across the grass to the sidewalk. If there was a dry spot on him, it was gone now as his body scraped water and shit off his lawn on the way to the utility vehicle waiting at the curb. The winch pulled him across the sidewalk, up the ramp and slammed his long body against the bars on the cage since the opening wasn't wide enough for a human.   He would have yelped in pain if he could.  Instead of turning the winch off, Taggart used a broom to try and shove his body through the cage door. He was so disgusting even _Taggart_ didn't want to touch him; Taggart, the guy who picked up scat regularly and sniffed it to see if he could detect some hint of animal communication.

 

Once Stark was in the back, he closed the door and put up the ramp. “Alrighty, mate,  let's get you back to your office.”

 

* * *

 

 

After following Fargo to a lab where there was now a huge hole in the wall thanks to an escaping robot, Jack found out why Stark never called his own GD security team to do anything. They were security and not a detective agency, they did as told and that was _all_ the did. He wasn't sure if these guys were hand picked to be 'yes men', but considering who vetted them all, he was pretty sure that's how they all got their jobs.

 

So he was off to see the Sheriff, the wonderful sheriff of Eureka.

 

Not without commentary, though.

 

“Imagine that, running off to spend the day with Stark.” Allison caught up with him in the hallway. “Did he have to make an appointment to see you? No? Never does.”

 

“Oh my God, Allison, what _is_ our problem?!” Jack finally asked. He felt like he was constantly caught up in this tornado of conflicting emotions with her. One minute she was undressing him with her eyes, next she acted like she wanted to cut off his oxygen with her hands his throat.

 

“What's _your_ problem, Jack?” Allison threw it back at him. “I can't get a read on you and that's saying something considering how long we've known each other and all we've been through. You tell me you want me and want to be with me then you avoid me to go spend half your day with Stark! You can't tell me you are too busy to work me into your schedule when you're going out of your way to be with him!”

 

“Woah, _what now_?”

 

“You heard me, I'm not blind. I see how happy you are working with him and how quickly you fight me on _everything_ when I try to come to you about something I'd like to work with you on.” She said. “He walks in here and you drop everything to help him. I think I'm the one who deserves a straight answer.”

 

“Is this about the dolphins!?”

 

“No, it's about you acting like you want me just so you can keep me away from Stark so you can have _him_ for yourself. Don't deny it, don't insult me like that.” She held up her head and said. “It didn't work the first time around because you refused to make room in your life for me and Kevin. Now it's not going to work because you can only make room for Stark.”

 

“There's an escaped robot that's going to destroy the town, because that's what it's designed to do, and you're mad at me for trying to stop that?”

 

“Who's the robot expert, _Jack_?”

 

His screen showed him a ton of information about the robot, it's designs, it's weapons, the software it was running. The answer was: him. _He_ was the robot expert. All of it had his name on it somewhere noting it was some project of his or he had his hand in something used to build it. “Well....”

 

“You're an expert in everything that goes wrong and it's funny that things keep going wrong, more so now than ever. Numbers don't lie, Jack. Since Sheriff Stark took his job the incidents at Global Dynamics have increased drastically. The town sheriff doesn't influence this facility, _you do_.”

 

“You think I'm blowing shit up to spend time with Stark...or he's blowing shit up to spend time with me?” Jack asked. He was having a hard time determining if this was simulation or reality. Sometimes it was just best to ask the genius. “ _Really?_ Is this what you talk about with Beverly during therapy because I have some criticism I'd like to offer.”

 

“Go enjoy your day with the Sheriff.” She said and waved him off and left.

 

“Enjoy it... _by saving the town_!” Jack hollered after her and shook his head. Either this simulation was really trying too hard to confuse him or everyone in this town was nuts.

 

Nathan Stark did _not_ enjoy spending time with him. Was everyone blind!?

 

* * *

 

 

Ah, Main Street Eureka. Prime location for the Sheriff's office, right in front of everyone coming and going as well as the lunch rush from Global Dynamics. Great time to ride up in the back of Taggart's custom utility vehicle smelling like he just wallowed in the sewage pit at the zoo. At least his uniform was already brown. One perk of wearing this awful outfit.

 

“Hold still and I'll get you washed up.” Taggart jumped out of the vehicle and went to get the hose they used to water the flowers and trees on the sidewalk. He parked over a sewer drain so he could rinse the Sheriff off without too much residue getting on the grass. People walked these streets, they deserved to be spared the sight and smell of what was currently coating their Sheriff.  

 

“I _will_ shoot you.” Nathan growled as he reached for his gun. Thankfully he regained control of his body on the drive back here. It was especially urgent that he be freed since he could see his BMW parked across the street and he wanted out of this damned cage before Carter strolled up to mock him. “Let me out, _now_.”

 

“Your choice.” Taggart said and put the hose down. He'd find out the hard way he was doing him a favor.  Jo was not going to use the gentle spray on him, she'd go straight for the power washer.  

 

Stark slid out of the back as soon as the door was opened and watched people laugh and point at him. A few onlookers were concerned until some knowing citizen showed them a video on their phone illustrating exactly how he had come to be in this shitty state. He wasn't going to let this get to him, he was going to hold his damned head high and squish his way into the Sheriff's office in order to shower and change.

 

“Hello, Sheriff.” Came the familiar voice.  

 

“Carter.” Nathan growled as he saw the man at the Sheriff's desk, looking somewhat out of place in a suit, but comfortable enough to be sitting in his chair with his feet on his desk.  Oh and did he look happy.  Someone obviously saw the video.  

 

Jack wanted to laugh, but there was something more satisfying about sitting there with his hands folded on his lap and just smiling, smugly. Oh, for all that he had been through this morning, it was well worth it to be sitting here right now dishing this back at Stark. “Shitty day?”

 

“Get out of my office.”

 

“No, you get out.” Jack said and picked up his phone. “ _Outside_ because this is a public building and you are a bio-hazard. You need to be stripped down and put into a decontamination shower immediately and we need a crew in here to clean up the mess you tracked in with you.”

 

He wasn't going to lose his cool. No. Carter would not get the satisfaction. “Since when are bird droppings a biologically alarming substance?”

 

“Mechanical birds produce waste that is not organic. I know this, _I'm_ a doctor. ” Jack said and grinned as he speed-dialed the Bio Hazard unit at GD.

 

“Sounds like you just want to see me naked, Carter.   I know because I'm _the Sheriff_ and I know motive when I see it. ” Stark drawled and swore he would not cringe and squeal like Carter normally did when getting hosed down in the showers. No, he'd put on a goddamned show because he was proud to flaunt his body and knew it would fluster the man. Fine. Let him try to publicly humiliate him, they'd see who was red faced and avoiding eye contact when it was over. He made sure to add a little sidenote to tell the man he didn't even care if he knew what he kept in his bedroom end table, because he really didn't. “Fine. I have _nothing_ to hide.”

 

“You are the number one attraction around here, by your own design.” He said and laughed as he thought about Stark getting a full dose of the literal crap he dealt with during a day on the job. “I have real work to do and don't have time to _dick around_ all morning playing with the wildlife. I need your help with a loose robot, so if you don't mind, can you get cleaned up so you can do some real police work?”

 

“Enjoying yourself?” Stark asked coldly and flicked a handful of muddy mess off his badge towards the Sheriff's desk, reminding Carter he was sitting in the wrong chair.

 

“Oh, you have no idea.”

 

 


	4. Laws of Motion

 

_Equivalent Exchange_

Chapter 4

**Laws of Motion**

 

 

_Newton’s first law states that a body continues at rest or in uniform motion along a straight line unless it is acted upon by a force, and it enables one to recognize when a force is acting_

 

* * *

 

Jack had to give in and set up the decontamination shower in the field behind the Sheriff's department on the shooting range.   Jo had threatened him with several town code violations and Allison arrived with the GD Bio Hazard team and threatened to inform the DoD he was abusing company resources for personal use.  He complied as he mumbled about them both wanting a private show and neither said a word to refute that.

 

He had to think about that for a while because he wasn't sure if that meant they both were attracted to Stark, which was a given, or that the device was telling him that the girls both took a front seat to his showers because they enjoyed the show. _His_ show.   The device didn't give him those answers and he chanced a glance over to Jo as she sat at the shooting bench, elbow resting on a clean uniform for her boss, only to see a smile of appreciation as Stark stripped.  Nah.   They didn't have a thing.  

 

“A fabulous specimen of the species.” Taggart said dreamily.

 

Jack rolled his eyes. Leave it to Eureka to turn this humiliating event around on him. Leave it to Stark to find a way to.... _dear god_ was he actually _stripping_?

 

Nathan took the opportunity to put on a damned good show. This was a simulation, it wasn't real Eureka and even if it was...he'd still have no shame about taking control of the situation. So he did his best to sensually take off his shirt, which was not easy considering it was wet and soaked in shit. It was more like peeling off a lay of disgusting, which was what he thought of this harsh polyester anyway. He flexed as he did so, his back to the growing crowd, showing off every goddamned muscle in the process.

 

Jack wished he was flushed with anger, but he knew better. Thankfully the suit hid more than the uniform. _Goddammit Stark._

 

Nathan flicked the shirt away into a trash bag being held by a guy in a haz-mat suit. He flashed a grin at the guy, who was slack jawed already, and all he did was take off his shirt. Unlike Carter, he didn't hide his assets with a t-shirt underneath the uniform. He didn't work out this much so he could wrap his body in cotton to hide it from the world.  His chest was bare and next item was the pants, and he was going to have to wiggle out of them so he bent over and untied his shoes first.

 

The crowd gasped as the Sheriff bent over.  His ass filled out his pants, polyester blend hugging his curves, and the tan of the pants provided a dull accent to the perfectly sun-tanned skin on his back as he flexed in new ways for their viewing pleasure. Jack looked up at the sun, wondering if it was getting a little warm out here.  
  


Nathan grinned with satisfaction as he heard the audience's approval, then stood up straight again so he could kick off his shoes and socks and start working on his pants. Belt first, yes, this was an opportunity to whip that belt off and really crack it and command everyone's attention and imagination.

 

The belt came off and snapped, Jack could feel the collective breath of air being sucked into everyone's lungs. There was no doubt in his mind that Nathan was doing this on purpose and he pretended he wasn't getting sucked into it but that was not the case. Especially as thumbs hooked over the waist of the pants, muscles and arms flexed and slowly those pants we pushed down exposing tight butt cheeks. Nathan made it worse by wiggling his hips and apparently he chose to either go commando or pulled his underwear down with the pants. Didn't matter, there was a lot of underwear that was going to need changed after this.

 

He worked his pants off, slowly and putting the tease in strip-tease. Thankfully the cut of the pants allowed the vile state of the garment to not be an issue. He had yet to turn around to see what everyone's reaction was and hoped they weren't downwind of him. If they were, reactions were not going to be what he was hoping for. Pants were down, he made a slow and steady show of stepping out of them and heard Vincent gasp, ' _Oh praise god he is proportional._ ' as he lunged to the left and everything swung free.

 

There was a sharp exhale as everyone saw the endowment hanging between the Sheriff's legs. Jack felt his collar tighten as he hoped Stark would not turn around and display himself in all his glory for the waiting crowd. Nope, Nathan turned around and gave them all a grin as he flexed his arms above his head without an ounce of shame. Abs ripple, muscles tightened and a huge cock dangled at the center of it all.   The crowd gasped, Vincent grabbed onto him to avoid falling over, and he locked eyes with Stark right before he swaggered into the shower. _Holy fuck, the sex toy was actually small in comparison to that!_

 

“I don't know if you're a masochist for holding out on that or wanting it.” Vincent said as he gripped Carter's shoulder.

 

“Shouldn't you be asking Allison that?” Jack asked, noting how his voice was a pitch too high.

 

“Dr. Carter, _please._ ” Vince said and made a humming sound and closed his eyes as if he had just taken a bite of something delicious.

 

Jack looked at Nathan leisurely showering in the pop-up containment unit, as if that water was not ice cold and didn't smell of hospital disinfectants. Fine, he'd admit the guy was gorgeous and had an amazing body, but that didn't make up for his shitty ethics or personality. It took more than good looks to be attractive.

 

“Someone needs to carve a modern statue of the perfect man.” Taggart said with an appreciative nod. “He belongs in the Louvre.”

 

Jack shook his head. This was not how his showers went, at all. _Fuck Nathan Stark_.

 

“Sausage special for dinner tonight.” Vincent informed everyone and giggled.

 

“Probably more than anyone can take in one sitting, I'm sure.” Jo replied and laughed. “We'll all try though.”

 

“Most advanced scientific community in the world...”Jack reminded them and looked over at Allison who had yet to remove her gaze from the guy who was _not_ her ex-husband in this scenario. God, why did he even try?

 

“This is science, Carter.” Jo said and waved her hand over at Stark running his hands through his hair as he shampooed the poo out. “No shame in the human body.”

 

“No shame in _that_ , at all.” Allison chimed in then added, ” _Medically_ speaking.”

 

Jack put his hands in his pockets as Nathan moved on to rubbing soap all over his body. Jack knew how damned cold that water was; there was no joy in showering in something _that_ cold unless you were on a doomed Antarctic expedition and were looking to embrace a quick death from hypothermia instead of a slow one from starvation. He looked around and saw the crowd was huge and more people were joining in. One guy was not familiar at all and his device screen told him that he was not a resident or GD employee. Nope his red letters were lighting up and telling him that this was his goddamned robot.  Cue Eureka disaster ruining  a town event.  “Uh, guys...”

 

“Not now Carter, he's about to drift south with the soap.” Jo said and leaned over the shooting bench and growled. “And we know how I feel about big guns and keeping them clean.”

 

“Well, that's good, because the escaped robot has guns in his body and he's currently standing behind us watching Sheriff Strip-Tease performance.” Carter said as nonchalantly as he could. He even managed to sound bored like Stark usually did. Well, that was something.

 

“He's got good taste.” Jo said.

 

Allison rolled her eyes. “Imagine that, the robot _you_ programmed has a hard-on for Stark.”

 

“Oh my God.” Jack said and grabbed a towel off the shooting bench and marched over to the shower and opened the door. Was nobody in this simulation even remotely realistic?

 

“Oh, you're going to join me?” Nathan said with a charming grin and hoped that his teeth were not chattering.

 

“Want to join me _in working today_?” Jack asked and threw a thumb over his shoulder to point to the unfamiliar face in the crowd. “Killer robot seems to be enjoying your show. You want me to bring out a stripper pole so you can really work the crowd?”

 

Nathan leaned over and looked over Jack's shoulder, making sure to drip water on his suit and get his naked body as close to him as possible. “Yeah, that's Sheriff Andy. I did make that. That's version 3.0 which means he's out gathering intelligence on his own to advance his AI and allow him to grow into a suitable replacement for a human law enforcement individual.”

 

“You....made an AI replacement _for me_?” Jack asked as he smelled Nathan's hair. That was not the shampoo they made _him_ use! He smelled like a morgue for a week after every shower, no matter what he tried to wash it out with. Nathan smelled like....the ocean and not some nasty seaport with dead fish either! Like the smell of seawater after a storm.....a smell so distinct he could almost hear the waves crashing against the rocks.

 

“Replacing you was inevitable,” Nathan said and placed the soap back in it's dish and stepped out of the shower, purposely sliding against Carter on the way. He grabbed the towel from him and wrapped it around his waist. It was a small towel and didn't quite cover everything. _God Beverly, could you be any more obvious that you were using this simulator for unethical means._

 

Jack closed his eyes, Nathan just wiped _everything_ across the front of his suit. Thank god he naturally hung off to the left or Nathan would have felt an unmistakable bulge. “How do I turn it off?”

 

“You're the Doctor, however if I were you I would cater to it's programming as Sheriff and just lure it back into the office and occupy it with some paperwork while we determine why it broke out of containment. It's a robot, it follows through with it's programs.” Nathan said and looked at him, well aware he was dripping went and it was all rolling down his chest in spectacular fashion. “Though it's a nice touch that I can talk with you intelligently, you alone, as the device makes it impossible to discuss anything with any NPC. You, I can talk to. I assume the program is allowing us to solve the problem in a fashion we normally do to show us how we do get along.”

 

Jack noted new information on his screen. Schematics. “He has a lot of weapons hiding on his Sheriffy body.”

 

“Don't we all.”

 

Jack cocked his head. “Does it ever occur to you, before things go wrong, _how_ they can go wrong? All I'm seeing right now is design flaws I need to correct and how I can make it more dangerous.”

 

“That's science, Carter.”

 

“That's stupid, Stark.”

 

“Well, at least I'm playing the part right.” Nathan said and walked toward the crowd in just his towel. “Sheriff Andy, what a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you today?”

 

Jack turned and looked at Nathan just strolling up to the robot like it was going to embrace him as it's creator instead of the impostor who had his job. Jack ignored his device screen, it was setting off alarms but they were about programming glitches and improvements he should address. Something about installing a sensor so he could connect to S.A.R.A.H. in a manner that was not OK! Not OK _at all_! _What the fuck_ Stark! That was his house! You don't let a robot fuck your house!

 

“Yes sir, Sheriff Stark, it has come to my attention that you are violating a number of laws and I can see with my own eyes that public indecency is definitely one of those.” Sheriff Andy said.

 

“Nothing indecent about that.” Vincent chimed in.

 

“Well, perhaps we can talk about that in my office.” Stark said, thrilled he could see his creation in the flesh and possibly interact with it. This part of the simulation could have benefits to his research and was finally something worth all this hassle.

 

“Actually, Sheriff, I'm here to place you under arrest and relieve you of duty.” Andy said and gave him a eerily happy smile.

 

Jack barely made it to Stark in time as Sheriff Andy was quick on the draw and was not packing non-lethal weapons. He ran and launched himself at Stark, crushing him to the ground with is own body as Andy fired three shots at him which would have landed center mass. His device was blinking read, telling him that Stark would be dead right now if it wasn't for him. He laid there, covering Stark's body with his own, hoping the robot would recognize him. “Hey buddy, you just discharged your weapon and that's going to require _a lot_ of paperwork. _Bad_ robot. _Bad_ Sheriff.”

 

“Oh, Dr. Carter.” Andy said and put his gun away. “It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm a huge fan of your work.”

 

Jack sighed as he laid on Nathan's naked body which was face down in the grass and looked up at the robot offering his hand in a gesture of greeting. “Yeah, maybe we can look at your programming inside? I'm seeing a few adjustments we need to make.”

 

“Oh, I'd be honored.” Andy said and grinned and waited.

 

“Can you promise me you won't shoot Stark?” Jack asked as Nathan mumbled curses into the grass under him.

 

“No can do. I can see you're emotionally compromised by your attraction to the Sheriff and can not make a clear and unbiased decision.” Andy bent down and whispered loudly. “There better be a towel between you two or I'm going to have to write you up as well.”

 

“Nathan?” Jack asked.

 

“Mmmm?” Nathan replied as best he could with his mouth in the grass.

 

“If I get up, he's going to shoot you.”

 

“Mmmhmmm.”

 

“You programmed the robot to kill me?”

 

Nathan rolled his head over and realized Jack's lips were now inches from his cheek. “No, I did not.”

 

“What about him fingering my house?” Jack growled. “I saw your...play and play adapter plans. Don't deny it.”

 

“That was an an experiment to see if artificial intelligence would seek out each other's companionship if given the tools but not the programming.”

 

“That's not OK.” Jack moaned. “I live there!”

 

“Andy lives in the basement of GD and those plans were never shared outside the lab. “Stark grumbled. “Which means Fargo has been talking about setting up _his_ pet project with _my_ project during therapy.”

 

“Oh, that's fantastic. You and Fargo are going to have grand-kids together. Perfect little button-pushing disasters. ” Jack said and realized Andy hadn't moved at all. Either he was frozen or he was just super creepy in a very happy way. He moved to get up and saw Andy's eyes focus and his hand go for his weapon, which made him lay back down and get even closer to Stark. “So how do we make sure you can see your Stark-Fargo grandkids because Andy is really focused on killing you. Do I have to kiss Allison again? Is that how I fix your evil robot from taking over the world _this time_?”

 

“No, Carter, reason with him.” Nathan said and enjoyed the warmth of Jack's body over his, especially since that shower had been freezing-fucking-cold. Jack's body, wrapped in soft and luxurious wool suiting, rubbing against his bare skin was delightful. Fuck it, he did have thing for Carter and the erection currently pressing against his ass check wasn't offensive at all.

 

“How?” Jack asked, his device was not giving him any data.

 

“Do you know anything about BASIC programming?” Nathan asked.

 

“Survey says, no.” Jack replied and glanced down at Nathan's eye as he rolled it and realized that, thanks to the life-or-death situation, the man said nothing about the signs of his arousal poking him in the ass. OK, any human being would freely admit that Nathan Stark had a body of a fucking God and they would probably sacrifice a body part to be in his position right now. There was no shame in that, especially when the guy was going to owe him his life for jumping him, _on him_ ,  like he did.

 

“It's a very simple “If/Then” combination of programming for decision making. 'If' a certain variable exists, 'then' execute a command listed somewhere in the database. It's how we are all wired.” Nathan explained. “You are his creator, you can walk him through his code to see the flaws in his decision making because he is still learning.”

 

“So you made a robot who only answers to you and it wants to kill me for breaking the law.” Jack said and added. “You're _such_ an asshole.”

 

“Focus Carter, especially since you're the one currently grinding against _my asshole_ negating your own ability to override _your_ basic coding.”

 

“Right.” Jack said and didn't bother to deny it. “So, Andy, _if_ you kill him _then_ we can't try him for his crimes. That's the way the criminal justice system works, right?”

 

“Wow, Dr. Carter, really showing off that doctorate of yours.” Nathan sighed. "A PhD in police procedurals from Network TV." 

 

“Well, you do have a point.” Andy said.

 

“ _If_ you kill him, _then_ you're going to be replacing him as the bad Sheriff.” Jack said and put his hand over Nathan's mouth so he didn't have to hear any more out of him.

 

“Well...” Andy Cocked his head. “That would put me in the same situation as a law breaker.”

 

“Oh!” Jack added, “ _If_ you want his job, _then_ you should run against him in the next election.”

 

Nathan tried to bite Carter. _Way to make him worse, Jack, turn him into a politician!_ Ugh, now he sounded like Henry. Oh wait, _Henry_   was the one who helped Carter all the time! If anyone could shame a robot for his career path then it was Henry! He tried to get Jack's attention but it all came out muffled thanks to his hand over his mouth.

 

“Sorry, that's not how the Sheriff's position is appointed here in Eureka. In fact, being a government town it's actually highly regulated and there are contingencies in place to account for a rogue Sheriff bending the rules and putting the citizens in jeopardy.” Andy leaned over with a grin. “The people are the assets, not because they are human, but because they possess the knowledge to make the world a better place as well as the country the greatest in the world. ”

 

“Of course that's the mission statement of Global Dynamics, because that's really a horrible approach to human resources.” Jack said. “God, you really think humans are the resources? That's awful.”

 

Nathan gave up trying to get his attention, vocally, and just opted to lick Jack's hand. When words failed, his tongue never did.

 

“What the fuck!” Jack said as he felt the soft and wet tickle of a tongue lapping at his hand.

 

“Henry.” Nathan hollered at Jo. “Call Henry!”

 

“You just licked me.”

 

“Carter, as the director of Global Dynamics, you are not the person to convince a robot you created to not try and take over the world. Do you understand me?” Nathan said and Jack looked at his hand and then back at Nathan.

 

“That's right, I'm you. I'm really a horrible person.” Jack said, but his heart just wasn't in it like it normally was. His device was showing him all the optimistic views of how the robot's creator thought he could be used and none of it was about global domination or murdering the local Sheriff. Unfortunately there was one creepy image of a bunch of circuits lighting up as Andy stood in S.A.R.A.H.'s closet and touched her ports, but that was in some attempt to bring a touch of humanity to the machines who were purposely denied those emotions. Nathan built a back door in his robots, wanting them to have access to the same joy and pleasures people had. Unfortunately, that understanding immediately made way to his own brain thinking about Nathan's backdoor and all the pleasures that could open up.

 

“Earth to Carter. If that one lick shuts your brain down, I better not let you know what else I can do with my tongue.”

 

“Are you flirting with me Stark?”

 

“It's scientific fact, Jack.” Nathan said and relaxed under Carter's weight and determined it wasn't really a bad position to be in at all. “You're the genius, you figure it out.”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Jack asked and looked for a hint of an answer on Nathan's face and saw a smirk and a glimmer of something in Nathan's eye. He was going to demand clarification, but Henry arrived and came over to smile at them both. “Really? You too?”

 

“It's about time.” Henry said and looked at his friends, Jack laying on a naked and seemingly content Nathan. “I've been watching on EuTube, you two have put on quite the show. Taggart's actually using the footage to make a nature documentary about the mating rituals of the alpha Eurekans.”

 

“He's not serious, Carter.” Nathan chimed in before Jack's brain could freeze up. “We took away Taggart's documentary clearance ages ago. At best, it's a home movie.”

 

Jack was ready to be done with this. “Henry, can you talk to Andy here and convince him not to shoot Stark because I don't seem to be very convincing.”

 

“Jack, you almost convinced him to run for Congress.” Henry shook his head. “Talk about not seeing your own mistakes and pushing your own decisions on the next generation.”

 

“Here we go....” Nathan chirped and waited for it, the timeless lecture about how he ruined his potential by becoming a bureaucrat.

 

“You were my best student, Jack.” Henry said and explained to Andy. “He was. He had limitless potential.”

 

Jack looked up as Andy turned his eerie smile to Henry and then sat down on the grass to listen to the story like a child. God....they were going to have to work through everyone's baggage here.

 

“Brilliant, far exceeded anyone I had ever worked with.” Henry said, waving his hand to to sky to illustrate the limitless potential that was his student's brain, then he clenched his fist as if to crush it in it's hand. “And he used if for politics instead of science.”

 

“Oh god, you disappointed Henry!” Jack whispered to Nathan. “How _do_ you live with yourself?”

 

“I look around and see the Eureka that is possible because I sacrificed myself to protect it.” Nathan said and saw Jack's eyes soften. “There are many ways you can give up your life for something you believe in, Jack.”

 

“You have potential, Andy. You have a choice to make, one that will determine your life's direction from here on out.” Henry said. “You have a wealth of information at your fingertips...”

 

“God, does he know about your sex robot option too?” Jack whispered and Nathan rolled his eyes.

 

“So you should choose wisely, Andy. What value do you attribute to human life? Do you use your knowledge for the better of mankind or the betterment of one man?” Henry said and stood up, speech over. “I'm also here as the mayor and I need to oversee a hearing against the Sheriff if there is to be one. Per town charter.”

 

Andy stood and thought about it and said, “I would like to discuss my concerns in regards to Sheriff's Stark's actions.”

 

“There is paperwork for that.” Nathan chimed in. “ _Lots_ of paperwork to file a complaint against the acting Sheriff.”

 

“You _did not_.” Jack hissed, knowing that Nathan was implying he documented everything in real life and had a file ready in case he wanted to get rid of the Sheriff. _Him._ Nathan had everything in order in case he wanted him gone. “You and I need to have a talk about why you haven't played that hand yet.”

 

“Pretty sure that's why we're here.” Nathan said. “Because I had the bullets in the chamber and all I had to do was pull the trigger and yet I didn't. Instead we blew up a large portion of Global Dynamics because you wouldn't let me make decisions in my own facility even though it's outside of your jurisdiction. So, the question remains, why didn't I get rid of you when I obviously should have.”

 

“What's the answer?”

 

“Apparently, according to Beverly, it's because of misplaced sexual frustration. Good thing I think Freud is an imbecile.”

 

“That's not an answer.”

 

“You are my fail-safe.” Nathan said. “In case I truly do go too far and become the monster Henry thinks I have become.”

 

“You have serious problems communicating with people, you know that?” Jack asked. “You could have just told me.”

 

“ _If_ I did tell you, _then_ you wouldn't have been effective.” Nathan informed him. “I don't listen unless someone fights me, I don't accept criticism. I don't want to stop, I want to fix it when it doesn't go right. Only in performing the experiment can we see theory become reality.”

 

“So you don't think you're wrong, is what you're saying?”

 

“No.”

 

"And I'm just some part of your program in your little world."  Jack finally got up off him, frustrated because he couldn't be reasoned with. Andy was talked down and that meant Nathan was safe. He thought that maybe this was some kind of progress, like maybe they were closer to understanding each other, but he was even further away than he was before. “Well, let's go fix the robot and hope he doesn't have _your_ faulty reasoning that we need to contend with.”

 

 

 


	5. Inertia

_Equivalent Exchange_

Chapter 5

**Inertia**

 

_Newton’s second law quantifies the concept of force, as well as that of inertia. A body acted upon by a steady force suffers constant acceleration._

 

* * *

 

 

After Jack left, Nathan took a real shower in the Sheriff's office and then sat down with Henry and Andy to figure out what to do to remedy the situation. Jo took lunch, which he assumed was the excuse she wanted to use to place bets over at Cafe Diem, and they had the office to themselves.   So this was what a day at the office was like.   He didn't dwell on it too long as he found him fascinated by not only the simulation version of prototype Andy but the therapy program itself in crafting such a realistic NPC from schematics. It also intrigued him to see how Jack's mind worked as the device screen showed him all the connections he made to work out problems.

 

People were definitely Jack's specialty. He could read them, predict their moves and follow a trail of malfunctioning experiments to someone he never interacted with, all by just using his intuition.  The screen showed him the logical paths of thought Jack took that all seemed somewhat ridiculous when he blurted out things like 'A worm-holing, time-bending, invisibling device that shields you from the mind'.    There was an intelligent process behind all that even if it came out as gibberish.   In fact, there was a hint of strategy in all of his acts as it definitely lead everyone to underestimate him.  He shamelessly asked for help, real life Jack didn't even flinch when it came to asking for _his_ help even though it came with a slew of insults and attitude.  Interesting insight really.   Downright impressive to watch as the device hinted at alarming statements from Andy that he, as creator, would have simply dismissed as the AI learning and not malicious intent.   

 

What had him absolutely transfixed right now, was experiencing the relationship he once had with his old mentor Henry.

 

Not that Henry ever had to dumb anything down for him, but that wasn't the point. Henry's enthusiasm, his love for science and teaching had always been what set him apart from everyone. Unfortunately, Henry was unapologetic about his views on how this science should be utilized, which was why he was working in an an old Garage instead of in the biggest lab GD could offer. He felt like maybe it was because of his disgust at how things were run, for government benefit, but now he saw that Henry really did enjoy the freedoms he had because he was allowed to work on anything.  He loved his job, he loved his projects.

 

And the town Sheriff was one of those projects.

 

Henry genuinely thought the AI technology was brilliant and it pained him that Andy had been warped for military needs instead of allowed to be a viable member of the community. He explained every minute detail to his idiot friend, with enthusiasm and the desire to share and educate. He knew Jack soaked it up but Andy also ate it up and Nathan had to admit he was a little jealous of the relationship Jack had with Henry. Jack really did learn, he just summarized it all mentally so he could come back later if he needed to.  He didn't need to know how to fix things, he needed to know who to go to in order to fix it.   It was interesting see things from that perspective.   Nathan voluntarily stayed silent or only added a few 'Whhhhat?' comments to keep conversation going so he could bask in the pure joy of science once again.

 

It gave him time to think about how maybe he had underestimated Jack Carter too.

 

* * *

 

 

Jack didn't envy Nathan _at all._ This job sucked. These people were unmanageable. This place was like a dumpster fire and all he could do was pour oil to move the fire from one location to another. He was honestly done with it all. This simulation taught him a lesson: he should be thankful he didn't actually work at GD and only got called in when stuff was really really bad.

 

Smart people could be complete fucking idiots. That was one thing he already knew, but it was reinforced with almost every step he took. No common sense in these halls, none at all. Everyone was so focused on their projects or the deadlines hanging over their projects, that their concern for safety or anyone else just vanished. Each individual he checked up on was one step away from catastrophe in one way or another and it was amazing: From being too busy to get another burner and using the coffee pot instead, to turning off the ventilation system in order to avoid air circulation influencing data. Absolutely nobody stopped to think _at all_!

 

People were focused, too focused, and the majority of accidents were just caused by simple oversight.  It was actually incredible more people didn't die. Being nice to them actually didn't help, it made things worse. He couldn't believe he was admitting that Nathan's attitude had a place here. 

 

He finally gave up and went to his office, checked off a bunch of stuff on his to-do list and cleared the device's screen for the first time all day. He looked at the clock and determined it was time to punch out and just go home.  He ran the place, he could just say he was checking up on something.   He was tired and wanted this simulation to end. He hoped he could quit by just completing his day and go back to his own bed tonight.

 

“Leaving?”

 

“Appears so.” Jack said as Ally called to him as he walked past her office. Working with her wasn't fun either. She had her own job and he forgot it was a very high-up-the-political-chain job. She had to answer to the DoD and also protect GD. It was a bad place to be sandwiched and he didn't blame her for being frustrated with it all, especially when he and Stark did kinda have fun while fixing the things that went wrong around here.

 

“OK.”

 

She said it and smiled at him and he once again wondered what went on at GD,  _for real._ Like how did she and Stark work together _at all_? They both liked to get their way and Nathan was not that good with people to avoid saying the wrong thing. She must really love him to forgive that. Oh well, he'd think about that later when he got his real job back and could watch them a little more closely at work. That is, when they weren't yelling at each other about how bad the sex was or flirting with each other and acting like divorce might have been a hasty decision. Whatever. He wasn't the shrink, that wasn't his job to figure out.

 

Jack drove home from GD and had a little too much fun with the car in order to clear his head.  It was a sports car? Why not?   He couldn't figure out what the hell he was supposed to do in this simulation because he saw what Nathan had to go through, yet he could still be appalled when Nathan told him he thought as those idiots at GD as the resources. It bothered him because he thought Nathan considered them _renewable_ human resources, but in reality those people were their own self-destructive computers. It wasn't his job to make sure they were _stable_ resources, just make something with the valuable products they yielded. It was all...more management than he wanted to deal with. He never had a big staff, he worked alone or with someone as an equal, managing Jo as an employee had been hard enough for him. This wasn't his strength and he knew it.

 

Then he heard sirens and looked in the rear-view mirror to see his own Jeep chasing him. “Son of a bitch!”

 

Nathan could not wipe the grin off his face as he chased after his own car on this stretch of road that nobody could resist speeding on. He just was heading home from dropping off Andy and Henry at the garage so Henry could work with the AI Sheriff.  Admittedly the experience left him a little lost. He wanted to stay, but the device would not let him contribute and his ego wouldn't allow him to merely stand there like a gaping fish out of water while _his_ project was appreciated by his mentor. Now, however, Jack speeding.....this was the best therapy he could ask for! So when the BMW pulled over, Nathan started looking everywhere for the ticket book and finally threw up his hands and got out of the Jeep to add it to the list of things he was going to bust Jack's ass for. He straightened out his uniform as best he could and strode up to the car and leaned on it, next to the already rolled down window. “Going a little fast, weren't you?”

 

“Don't you have Sherffing to be doing in town?”

 

“License and registration please.” Nathan smiled. “I'm going to have to cite you for speeding. Also, did you fill up the tank on this yourself? You know it's illegal to pump your own gas in Oregon, right?”

 

Jack looked at the clock, out of habit because it was usually him writing the speeding ticket, and looked back at Nathan. “Aren't _you_ forgetting something?”

 

“No, I'm going to make you wait while I figure out where you keep your ticket book.” Nathan looked up at the sky and took off his sunglasses, slowly and dramatically like he was in some crime scene show.

 

“No,” Jack said and stared at him. “I mean, did you forget who is waiting on you? Zoe!??  Your child!?”

 

“She's in school.” Nathan replied.

 

“She is waiting on you to pick her up _from_ school!”

 

“What?”

 

“Give me that ticket book, I'm writing you up for endangering my child!” Jack said and was about to get out of the car and Nathan hip checked it to slam it shut again.

 

“She's fine. You make her wait all the time.” Nathan drawled. “You get out of the car and I'm going to have to arrest you. Handcuffs and all.”

 

“Quit flirting and focus, Stark! She's your kid and you promised you would pick her up on Tuesdays for work!” Jack said and shook his head. He was _not_ this bad! He was not Sheriff Grab Ass. Maybe he was a little flirty but that was just his persona. Anyhow...“You do not want to make her wait. If I were you I'd forget about the fifteen minutes it's going to take to call me in, run plates, write the ticket, give me grief and then insult me. Go get my.. _.your._.. _our_ daughter!”

 

“Shit!” Nathan said realizing that this was indeed serious. Surely child endangerment would show up as a mark against him on the therapy device reports. He started to go back to the Jeep and stopped when he realized what day it was. “Carter? It's Tuesday.”

 

“Yes! Gold Star for the detective work, Stark. You found out what day it is!”

 

“It's your day to pick up Kevin.” Nathan said with a growl and looked at his watch. “You're already late.”

 

“Oh shit.” Jack said as he looked out his window at Nathan, just overwhelmed with how much they had screwed up already. No wonder Ally was OK with him leaving early. OH GOD. “Why don't you write these things down!? This wasn't on your day planner!”

 

“It looks really bad if I have to set reminders to _pick up my son_.” Nathan spat. “Carter, don't screw this up for me. I'm not the one who has custody of my kid, just the blessing of being allowed to see him from his Mom. His Mom who is the DoD liaison, the DoD who is requiring this damned therapy session to take place! She gets the reports, you idiot!”

 

Jack nodded, understanding the situation and not for a moment feeling like this was just a simulation. That fear, the fear of maybe ruining a custodial agreement, sent him speeding in the other direction towards the middle school.

 

* * *

 

 

“Dad. Why is there a video all over the Eureka intranet of you tackling Lo-Jack on Director Carter's lawn and throwing a vibrating dildo at Taggart?”

 

“My God this _really_ is my life.” Nathan said and realized that this was not a stretch of the imagination, this was really what Jack's life was like: embarrassing himself, his daughter, his profession. All because this town just set him up to do so. All because the director of GD liked having fun at his expense.

 

“It better _not_ be.” Zoe said.

 

“Well, I'm going to go cockslap Carter with his own silicone dick until he takes those videos down.” Nathan assured her and she laughed at him. Well, maybe having a teenager did have it's perks. She was basically an adult and he didn't have to explain....

 

“ _God_ , I don't even have to channel Mom to see the suppressed sexual desire in that statement.” She threw her hands up dramatically. “Good for you, he's shown more interest than Allison _for sure_. You need to get laid before Taggart seems like a possibility.”

 

“Let's not talk about this.” Nathan said and rescinded that thought about being thankful for a teenager kid. He just wanted to have a nice drive back to town that didn't involved being lit into by said teenage girl who was clearly winding up to yell at him. He felt himself shrinking into his seat as she continued her lecture.

 

“The whole town is talking about this.” She said as they drove and looked at him the entire time, watching him shrink under her glare. “You were on his lawn, _with a sex toy._ You got blasted with the sprinkler system and ended up with Taggart molesting you while he got you in his bondage gear and the dog ran off with the sex toy again.”

 

“It wasn't _that_ bad. You're really dramatic, you know that? No wonder you have a talent for the theater.”

 

Zoe gave him her 'Oh, you bitch' look and then added, “Really? Who's the one who did a stripper routine before flashing his 'big guns' to all of Eureka for a decontamination shower? Vincent's words, _not mine._ I'm not watching that video, however my teachers all asked if you were interested in making some money on the side because they have parties they'd want to hire you for.”

 

Nathan cleared his throat. He could feel her staring him down, and maybe from her perspective this was a little embarrassing. “Sorry.”

 

“Sorry doesn't even begin to cut it, Dad!” Zoe yelled. “You and Carter need to figure this out before you film a real porno, on accident, somewhere in Eureka. _Oh wait,_ you pretty much did! How could I forget to bring up when he tackled you and dry humped you while you were only wearing a towel? Do you understand how hard it is to be your kid!? A cop's kid is one thing, hearing my schoolmates and teachers call you a DILF? Not cool. Worse when your stripper and dildo wrestling videos are the most viewed videos on EuTube.”

 

Wait, was that him or Carter? He glanced over for clarification and she glared at him, daring him to say another word. He meekly said, “I saved the world today, you know that? I could have died.”

 

“Sure. I died a little today too.” She shook her head. “Public nudity and embarrassing the hell out of me is just another day on the job in Eureka.”

 

“Look, I'll make it up to you.” Nathan offered as he parked his Jeep in front of his office. “Maybe help you with your science fair project?”

 

“Yeah, I think I have it covered. Baking soda volcanoes don't make the cut at Tesla and I don't need you finding some excuse to take off your clothes in front of Dr. Carter again. See you tonight, text me if by some miracle you use this as an opportunity to stop flaunting your assets at Carter and just get laid and make all our lives easier.”

 

He watched her jump out of the Jeep and sat back in his seat and groaned. He was definitely getting a terrible parenting score from this simulation.

 

* * *

 

 

Jack thought that Nathan had some genius mojo that made this all easier for him. Some kind of mastery of science and charisma that made being a husband and parent as easy as it looked in those family comedies on TV. Instead, Nathan had the same shitty people skills he did at home as he did at work and the repercussions of this were that Allison was ready to throw him out of the house before he set foot in it. The device was only giving him conversation options Nathan would use and he grudgingly accepted to use them.   He apologized, but in the end it was Kevin who clung to his hand that made her resolve crumble. It seemed like she was OK with him 'working' with Kevin and that seemed promising, until he realized she was working to 'fix' him. “Ally, he's autistic, he's not broken. Just because the rest of us can't understand him doesn't mean we have to bring him down to our level.”

 

“So you're saying that we're Stark in this situation and he's us?”

 

He didn't have to think about that, he saw it immediately as it was translated in front of his eyes for what she really meant. She meant that dumbing things down, like they did for the Sheriff, was not an acceptable allegory. “I'm saying that 'fixing him' is not a great thing to say about your kid, that maybe communicating better might be a better route to go? Just treat him like a normal kid.”

 

“He's not a normal kid and you have made me promises to help him. Promises to help me communicate better with my son.  Promises that helped you get back in the door and into out lives, promises you break.”

 

Apparently they were going to argue _right now_ because the next thing he knew she lit into him about how he almost forgot about picking up Kevin and his scheduled 'sessions' with Kevin. That didn't sound like he was really there as a Dad, more like a doctor. Schedules and consistency were important and he needed to realize that if he wanted to be back in Kevin's life. Overall he felt like he was on the receiving end of a lecture from Abby and suddenly he saw Allison in a whole new light. He saw himself in a whole new light too because he just left instead of fighting because he had been down this road before and he wasn't going to do it again. Not when Zoe took so long to heal from it and he saw how screwed up she was because of it.

 

Suddenly he really missed his kid and he just wanted to see her and make sure she was OK. Even if it wasn't real, he need it. So he got in his stupid car, and drove to Cafe Diem to have dinner by himself. He had to apologize for the fiasco this afternoon, anyhow. Those videos and pictures probably just made her day.

 

* * *

 

 

Nathan's stomach was growling, his sim!daughter was glaring at him and Vincent looked about ready to stuff a giant sausage into someone's throat if he didn't step in and settle this dispute. Another exciting glimpse of Jack's life that he didn't consider until now: the conflict resolution. “Fargo! Larry! Enough!”

 

His booming voice was enough to rattle the plates and silence the entire cafe. It also embarrassed his daughter, made Vincent retreat to the kitchen and made Larry start crying. His device was telling him that this was _not_ the way to go to settle civilian arguments as Fargo and Larry would just take it to a new location and it would escalate. He was cranky and fed up with this exercise so he just leaned on the counter and softened his voice, like he would if they were children. “Listen, it doesn't matter who's fault it was that Andy got out of the lab before he was ready, the situation was handled. No fatalities.”

 

“They just want to impress Dr. Carter.” Zoe said and served both the scientists their meals. “Seems to be the reason _everyone_ gets into trouble these days.”

 

Nathan groaned. She was really good at making him feel guilty. “Well, Andy is at Henry's Garage and they can go help fix the damage they did before his AI learns wrong and he is scrapped. Impress Carter by walking a function law enforcement AI through the front doors of GD instead of releasing a robot hit-man to kill the local Sheriff.”

 

Both Fargo and Larry looked appalled by the idea that Andy might be scrapped. Zoe slapped her Dad's arm.

 

“What? They're capable of fixing it with supervision.” Nathan asked and then looked at them both and spoke slowly and with a smile so he would stop scaring them. What could he say that would be nice and would get the stupid program off his case about scaring people? “You're both competent enough to be employed by Global Dynamics. You are obviously not that incompetent if the director lets you be his assistant and runner-up assistant, right?”

 

“I guess.” Fargo said, happy to hear Carter didn't think Larry was more than just a runner-up. Larry cried harder.  

 

“So assist Henry, fix your mistake and tomorrow something else will go wrong to make him forget that a robot almost murdered a naked man on the shooting range. OK?”

 

“Thanks Sheriff.” Fargo said and nodded. “That's actually pretty inspirational.”

 

“Only the part where you believe that someone else will screw up worse tomorrow.” Nathan said and sighed as they both left and the situation resolved. People were such a hassle. The robot was self-sufficient and yet these geniuses needed coddled and supervised non-stop. There was no way that everything blew up at GD because people were trying to impress him.  He sat down at a booth for dinner and thought about it. Statistically incidents had risen exponentially since he and Carter had arrived in Eureka. He wanted to blame the Sheriff, but Jack did more to keep the peace than anyone ever had and that seemed to increase productivity as well as morale.

 

“What can I get for you, Sheriff?” Vincent asked as he came over.

 

“The usual.” Nathan couldn't believe the device was advanced enough to force him to order a damned cheeseburger and make all the other entrees sound unappealing to him. What did that prove? How was that supposed to make him understand Carter at all? Then he looked up as Carter arrived, looking a little frazzled but also very attractive in just his dress shirt. He was getting tired of this simulation and being wrong and stupid all the time, clearly Carter was ready to do the same as he came over and plopped down in the booth across from him. Conflict resolution time, according to his device.

 

“What do we have to do to just make this program happy and get out of it?” Jack asked. He planned to solve this problem the same way he always did, by asking the genius for help.

 

Zoe arrived and set down drinks, glared at Nathan and gave him his dinner. She mouthed the words 'Don't embarrass me.  Keep your clothes on.' before leaving.

 

Jack wished he could talk with her, but she went to the next table to clear it off. He just wanted to go home. He wanted his family back and he wanted his job back.  He wanted to stay in Eureka, so whatever he needed to do to make the DoD happy, he'd do.   

 

“We worked together, from talking with your daughter I'm beginning to think it wants us to end up together in bed.” Nathan said and pushed the plate to the middle of the table as a peace offering. Surely Jack would appreciate french fries even if Nathan knew how bad they were for his body.

 

“I feel like it's trying to ruin my relationships with everyone but you.” Jack confessed.  “Is that possible?”

 

“Things aren't going how you expected with Ally, are they?” Nathan asked, not mocking him, but feeling bad that things were probably not painted in a very good light considering the marriage counseling sessions Beverly had sat in on.

 

“Do you two really...” Jack stopped as he realized it was getting too personal. “I thought you two got along better.”

 

“We're divorced for a reason.” Nathan said and ate a french fry. “We're two very competitive, career driven people with control issues. When we got married I didn't feel like I hid anything about who I was, but in hindsight I did go overboard when dating her and made time that I definitely did not make when we came to Eureka. I love my work, I love my wife, but there was never going to be enough time in the day for both. I chose work and no excuses I make for how important it is will ever make up for the fact that I made my choice and it wasn't her. I'm not the person she needs.”

 

“I'm apparently not either.” Jack said and reached over and helped himself to a french fry. “I made those same decisions and my wife ended up with another man living in my house and my daughter ran away and committed felonies to get my attention. This town, saved that relationship for me. I don't think I realized that I could repeat my mistakes if I wasn't careful.”

 

“Ally likes you. If she didn't, I wouldn't have tried so hard to keep her away from you.”

 

“I'm not you.” Jack said. “I'm not brilliant and in charge of the Scientist Utopia. Which, by the way, I'm surprised you let her sweet talk you into approving projects.”

 

“She's got her DoD liaison position for being a politically savvy and capable woman. She knows how to manage people and I'm no exception. Neither are you. We both like the attention, don't lie.”

 

“Yeah, I guess so.” Jack said feeling like he just broke up with a woman he never dated.

 

“I that really our biggest issue?” Nathan asked. “That we're competing over the same woman?”

 

“Well it's not because I want your job.” Jack snorted. “It sucks.”

 

“Yours isn't much better. Probably could be if I would stop making it worse.”

 

“Does your mind really work this way?” Jack asked and pointed to his eyes even though in the simulation they were not wearing headsets. Nathan got the point. “There are things running in the background all the time. Like it's some kind of crisis center.”

 

Nathan looked around and saw what Jack would see, which was reading body language on people to determine if they were a threat. The exits were always a focus, in case he needed to get people out fast. There was a lot to how Jack saw the world and it never stopped, he was _never_ off duty.   He looked at Jack and read his body language and his device told him that now was the time to be completely honest and resolve things.  “Yours is less chaotic, but I can't say I would want to always look at the world this way. You look at it like something is always going to go wrong instead of seeing the innovation and how things could be made better. It's very negative for someone who is so outgoingly positive.”

 

“Occupational hazard.” Jack admitted. “I guess experience has shown me things can go wrong fast. It's my job to stop it. The job doesn't change, just the location. I've worked LAPD, US Marshall service and now Eureka. It doesn't matter how someone gets hurt, just that it happens and affects someone's life forever. I'm trained to see those things and prevent them.”

 

“I'm trained to see and improve them.” Nathan said thoughtfully. “Make the world a better place with science.”

 

“Yeah, you just came up with a new formula for cooking oil because of a french fry. “Jack shook his head, this device was really cool but exhausting. “How the hell do you do it? Your brain works so fast I can't imagine you stop and enjoy anything you have done for long.”

 

“I don't.” Nathan admitted.

 

“Want to have dinner with me tonight?” Jack asked, taking a gamble.  Feeling something change between them.

 

“Isn't that what we're doing?” Nathan asked as Vincent arrived and set a plate with a huge sausage on it in front of Jack. _God_ , the subliminal messages were _over the top_.

 

“For real.” Jack said, the device was giving him more confidence than usual because it was displaying statistics and the probability of Nathan saying 'Yes' was high. The compatibility was high. The attraction...well that was pretty clearly there.

 

“So just like that, we go from wanting to kill each other to dating?” Nathan asked.

 

“I'm not admitting that I may have had misplaced emotions, I hate shrinks.” Jack replied and pushed the giant sausage out of the way. “That is also an avoidance of the question, Sheriff.”

 

Nathan smirked. “You do look good in a suit, you know that?”

 

“You look better out of uniform than in it.” Jack smiled and was about to say more when the simulation went dark and shut off. The screen displayed scores but all he cared about was getting the damned thing off and making sure he was back in his own house, his own uniform and his own life. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw his living room.

 

“Welcome back, Sheriff.” S.A.R.A.H. chirped happily. “Dr. Stark, will you be staying for dinner?”

 

Nathan frowned as he read through his scores and saw some rather bad ones and decided he genuinely didn't care. He took the device off and saw Carter's beautiful blue eyes watching him and he tossed the device on the table and ruffled his hair from where it had been matted down by it. He looked down and saw he was wearing a suit and smiled and relaxed. One factor he forgot about was the S.A.R.A.H. was monitoring them and that meant she helped herself to quite the show. “Yes, I'd love to.”

 

Jack suddenly felt awkward, not knowing what to say or do since they were now unoccupied in his house, with the day off, and Stark just agreed to stay for dinner. Was that a date? Were they just going to forget about blowing up an expensive part of GD because they were on the verge of killing each other? Was he honestly going to just sit here when Nathan _fucking_ Stark had just agreed to have dinner with him and spent the last few hours naked in one way or another?

 

Nathan wasn't expecting to get pounced, he wasn't expecting Jack to be the forward one _at all._ He wasn't expecting to simply melt into the couch as Jack pinned him down and kissed him. He wasn't expecting his mind to go blank as the kiss turned heated and he wove his fingers into Jack's hair to stop him from pulling away. He also wasn't expecting Zoe to come home and catch them making out on the couch.

 

“Way to go Dad.” Zoe said and ran up the stairs and immediately called Vincent to tell him to prepare to start paying out bets.

 

Jack paused long enough to register that his kid came home and saw him on top of Nathan....and approved. He looked at his watch and realized he might have lost track of time but that they also had plenty of time before dinner.

 

“We should probably take this upstairs since I have embarrassed your kid enough for a lifetime already. Even if it was simulated, I still feel bad.” Nathan whispered.

 

“Yeah, having the whole high school talking about your public nudity kinda does that.”

 

“Well, maybe I can change _that_ policy of mine. Seems cruel to keep spraying you off in the most public of places when you end up filthy in the line of duty.” Nathan then added. “Especially when the water is that cold.”

 

“Yeah it is. Shrinks things too.” Jack said and got a flicker of amusement from Nathan's eyes as he lay under him, seeming to be quite happy to do so. “Is there really a drawer in your nightstand...”

 

“Yes.” Nathan answered. “I'm beginning to see that maybe _artificial_ isn't nearly as...satisfying as the real thing.”

 

“Clever.”

 

“I _am_ a genius.”

 

“I'm an idiot.”

 

Nathan wasn't sure what that was said in regards to but he was kissed again, kissed like Jack had no intentions of making him question anything. He realized that they were indeed both idiots as he kissed Jack back and pulled him tightly against his chest to make sure he didn't think about going anywhere. Yeah, they definitely were both idiots. He barely could force himself to break away from that kiss, but he did so he could huskily whisper, “Upstairs, now. I'll show you my new appreciation for you and the job you do.”

 

“Well, after doing your job for a few hours, you definitely need some stress relief.” Jack said and found himself unable to really get off him and the couch because he really was a gorgeous sight. He could also get used to this view.

 

“Carter, do you want to talk all night or...”

 

“Yeah. Upstairs.” Jack said and rolled off Nathan and scampered up the stairs, hoping Zoe was as thrilled with this development in his personal life as she let on. Her door was shut, that was all that mattered. Nathan followed him, closed the door and shoved him on the bed where they continued that kiss from the couch and Nathan made sure to get on top of him for the first time that day.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oregon recently repealed that law, but I'm late to fandom so we'll just set this during the series run.


End file.
